There wasn’t even a splash

May 30, 2010 · Filed under Mother

Those of us who live in Arizona hear about it every summer, drownings.  Mostly these are children under the age of 5, usually in a backyard pool.  The parents lament, I only looked away for a second, just a few seconds.  Unfortunately that’s all it takes.  I learned this first hand last summer.  It was around 10am and my son Samuel had gone down for a nap, so my daughter Anna (then 2 1/2) and I donned our bathing suites and headed to the pool.  Before stepping outside I lathered her fair skin up with sunscreen, put her hat on and handed her an otter pop.  I grabbed my cell phone and the baby monitor and slung the towels over my shoulder. 

I unlocked the patio door and together we stepped to the pool gate.  It was hot and we were ready to get in the cool water. I unlocked the pool gate and closed it behind us.  Our pool is a kidney-shaped pool with a built-in jacuzzi in the bend, the jacuzzi being closest to the gate.  Beside our pool is one of those shatterproof glass tables that you can set your drink on as you lounge in your sun chair.  I keep this little table right by the jacuzzi and as usual I turned to place my phone and the monitor on the table.  From my peripheral vision I saw with horror as Anna walked right into the jacuzzi, otter pop in her mouth, no floatie!  Silence.  There wasn’t even a splash.  Had I not seen her go in I would not have heard her go in.  I dropped everything in my hand and still wearing the towels and my flip flops I bound into the jacuzzi.  Anna wasn’t even attempting to get to the surface.  She was standing, at the bottom of the jacuzzi, otter pop clutched in her hand.  I grabbed her and pulled her up expecting her to gasp, sputter, spit up water, however she just looked at me in confusion, eyes wide.  Fortunately she had not been underwater long enough to gasp for air and fill her lungs with water.  The cold stark reality is that my daughter was seconds from drowning that day.  What if I hadn’t been standing next to the pool?  What if I had gone back to the patio to grab something?  What if I had answered a phone call and had my back to the pool chatting away? It makes my stomach turn to think of what could have happened as I was standing right next to the pool.  It also makes me far more forgiving and empathetic to those poor parents who have been distracted, who were sure they’d hear a splash, that their child would struggle to reach the surface, calling for help, those parents who realized to their horror, that one second was one second too long. 

I never take my eyes off my kids now, ever.  Never, NEVER take it for granted that your child will not go into the pool with out their floatie on.  NEVER take it for granted that you will hear them fall in.  NEVER take it for granted that you’ll only take a second to grab that _________ .   My friends and family know me, they know I am an extremely protective, watchful mother.  If it can happen to me IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU…IN A SECOND.

I found a very good resource about the statistics and myths regarding drownings, you can check it out here.  I am posting this because I want every parent to know that it’s not just absentee parents who find their children in the pool.  It can happen to the best of us.  Please for the love of your children, always watch them around water.  What ever it is that is begging your attention… it can wait.  You can always call someone back.  You can’t bring your child back.  It’s as simple as that.

Click the link:  http://sierrasaccoalition.org/pdfs/water_safety_08.pdf

God Bless!

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The Descision

May 27, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized

As mothers we are required on a regular basis to make decisions that will affect our children’s lives.  Some decisions are easy and some require a great deal of consideration.  We often agonize over making the decision, arguing with ourselves over which decision is the right one.  Today I was required to make a most difficult decision, one that will affect my daughters development, both mental and emotional.

A few weeks ago my daughters preschool teacher handed me a packet of information about ADD.  She indicated to me that my daughter was showing early signs of ADD and recommended that I read the material and do some research.  Well I did read the material, and honestly I found that most 3 year olds are suffering from early signs of ADD.  Therefore I decided to forgo any drastic changes and began observing my daughters behavior.  What I found was what I already knew.  My daughter is very smart, too smart for her own good.  She is also very independent, much like I am.  And stubborn, just like her father (wink). 

Then today I experienced an unsettling and heart breaking incident at her school.  Anna only goes to preschool 3 days a week and until the ADD talk I was unaware of any specific behavioral issues regarding my daughter.  When signing my daughter into school, there is a window where the kids can look out and see who is coming and going.  As I was signing Anna in I saw two boys that I thought were her friends peering at me.  And then they said “Oh no, not Anna.” At first I thought I heard them wrong and then I looked at my daughter.  She was sunken and I could see that she had heard them too.  My heart broke.  Her teacher answered the door and I hugged and kissed my daughter goodbye.  I made it around the block tears streaming down my face before I returned to talk to her teacher. 

The teacher opened the door and I could see by the look on her face, she knew why I was there.  I asked her about what the boys had said and she stepped outside and shut the door.  And then she told me my daughter was mean.  She was mean to the other kids and that’s why they don’t like her and don’t want to play with her.  I was stunned, this is the first I had heard of this.  Anna acted out at home but I saw that as her pushing back against authority, establishing her independence. Even if she was ‘fighting’ with her friends, from everyone I talked to this was a natural part of being a 3 year old.  Developing social skills, learning to share and take turns.  Her teacher went on to say that for example Anna would be playing with another child and that child would say that they didn’t want to play that anymore and Anna would respond by saying “I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”  Well, again, I can’t believe that she is the only child who does that and she must have learned it somewhere, certainly not from me.  As the teacher was explaining all this to me I could help but pick up on a feeling that she just didn’t want Anna there.  She was a problem child, a disruptor, and not welcome.  To me, if I am picking up on that attitude then my daughter must as well. 

I drove away fighting the urge to pull her out of that school right then and there.  I went home and did some research.  I also discussed the situation with my husband.  At home I was obsessed, running over in my mind what the boys had said and the  hurt look on my daughters face.  I could think of nothing else and I cried, often.  There are few things worse than seeing your child hurt.  I blamed myself.  I told myself that if I was a better mother my daughter wouldn’t be acting out. That I shouldn’t have sent her to preschool, that I’m the one to blame.  I also saw my daughter going down a path that I went down as well. 

I didn’t have a lot of friends as a kid.  I was very independent and I had a dry, sarcastic humor.  I was often misunderstood by my peers and therefore didn’t have many close friends.  Those who did get to know me were my best friends, my dearest friends and we stayed friends for many years.  They told me I was mean too.  To this day, I’m still not sure what they meant by that, how was mean?  No one would ever explain that to me and that devastated me.  All I wanted was  to fit it, to be liked and for who I was, not for what others thought I should be.  Not because I wore designer jeans and my parents lived in a big house, but because I had a good heart, would have done anything for a friend and was loyal to the end.  Seeing my daughter headed down the same painful path set alarm bells going off in my mind.  I decided that when I went to pick up, I would inform her teacher she would only be going part-time during the summer.  I called my office and told them what was going on and asked to be moved to a position that would require less phone time.  While talking to my boss (who happens to be my  uncle) he started talking to me about Montessori.  His daughter goes to Montessori and is doing very well,  he also told me that the owners daughter was just going through the same thing as Anna.  He pulled her out of her school and put her in a Montessori school and she was doing much better.  This was not the first time that I had heard good things about the Montessori Method.  There is a Montessori school down the road from me and so after my husband had stopped by, I decided to check the place out as well. 

I cannot describe the difference in atmosphere and attitude.  As I toured the facility I found kids the same age as my daughter, working together and some independently, making words, tracing shapes and doing crafts.  Each child was working at their own pace, challenging themselves.  The teacher too, she was amazing.  Her whole countenance was that of warmth and caring. This woman loved kids and loved teaching them, I could feel it and I knew Anna would too.  Before I left I informed the Montessori teacher that we would be enrolling for the summer, part-time. 

I left the school, and as I drove to my daughters school, I talked to my husband on the phone and we both marveled at how different the atmosphere was, we were relieve and optimistic that we were making the right decision.  I pulled up to Anna’s school and went to the front door.  After signing her out, her teacher answered the door.  I asked how she did that day and her teacher said, “You should know that Anna got hit in the head with a bucket today, but she’s okay.”  And that’s it.  No elaboration, no explanation, just a look of ‘I don’t want this kid here.’  I asked, “Was this an accident?”, she signed and said “No.  Another child hit her.” Again, no elaboration and no explanation.  So I asked more, “Were they fighting?” and that’s when she informed me that Anna had been yelling at another girl and the girl hit her in the head with the bucket.  I was so angry.  Here this lady is standing her, looking at me like, ‘she got what she deserves, take your problem child and go’, I wanted to punch her in the mouth.  There is a big difference between, hey the kids were playing and your daughter accidently got hit with a bucket and, your daughter was purposely struck by another child during an argument.  I was done.  I grabbed my daughter and her crafts and as we drove away I decided that would be Anna’s last day at that school. 

My daughter deserves better than to go to a school where she is not wanted and treated like a ‘problem child.’  I have no illusions, I know Anna has a very strong will.  She is very intelligent, wildly independent and extremely sensitive.  She gets her feelings hurt and she’s not very good at dealing with hurtful emotions.  But she’s *3*!!  What 3 year old is perfectly capable of dealing with their emotions?  Very few.  So after a horrible day of hurtful words and being wacked with a bucket, I was 100% sure that my husband and I had made the right decision.

Anna will be starting a new school in a few weeks and God willing she will flourish.  My heart is still breaking but I am optimistic that t his new adventure will be a positive move in the right direction.  I never want my daughter to feel unwanted and unloved by her teacher, she deserves better than that.

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A funny thing happened on the way to the zoo…

May 21, 2010 · Filed under Mother

Last Friday I decided to take the kids to the Zoo in the morning.  The weather is still nice in the morning and I love the Phoenix zoo.  So we loaded up the van with the mega stroller, the cooler full of fruit and water and some towels and a change of clothes for each kid.  As we were cruising up the I-10 toward the Zoo, Sam was snoozing and Anna was sipping away at some juice.  

All of a sudden Anna yells out, Mommy… Mommy I have a drip on my hand.  I look around for a napkin or a towel, which I don’t have.   Wincing I advise her to wipe it on her pants.  “I can’t mommy, then my pants will get all dirty!”  Wincing once again, I say okay well wipe it on mommy’s hand.  So I reach my hand back behind me and feel a damp smear across my fingers.  I withdraw my hand and look down to find, not a drip of juice, but a booger.  A big green slimey booger.  And not a napkin or tissue in sight…  What is a mommy to do?  

Wipe it on the bottom of my jeans of course… Oh the glamour of motherhood.

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Blackbean Layer Dip

May 17, 2010 · Filed under Food

I love to cook.  Anyone who knows me knows this.  I especially like to take traditional recipes and put my own spin on them.  This weekend we decided to make some carne and pollo asada for my Dad and my Stepmom.  Well you can’t have carne or pollo asada with out some chips and dip, not in my house!  So looking through a recipe book I spied a recipe for 7 layer bean dip.  A classic.

The recipe usually calls for refried beans.  This was my first modification, I’m not a big fan of refried beans for several reasons.  #1. They are high in fat, #2.  (and this is a big #2, no pun intended) they give me horrible gas and #3. black beans are naturally high in fiber and I personal prefer the taste. 

I wanted to take a picture of my creation, unfortunately, it didn’t last long enough.  By the time we were done, the bowl looked like a war zone, bits of dip randomly scattered around the bowl clinging to life and begging for mercy. 

What you’ll need:

  • medium bowl
  • 1 can black beans
  • 1 can green chiles
  • 1 cups mexican blend cheese made with 2% milk
  • 1/2 cup light sour cream
  • 2 large Roma tomatoes
  • 6 scallions
  • 1/2 cup yellow sweet corn
  • lime juice
  • cilantro

Start by putting the black beans in a processor and pureeing them.  Once they have reached a slightly chunky paste texture add 1 tbsp lime juice and salt and pepper to taste.  Chill the beans while you do the rest of the prep.  Take out the sour cream and let that warm up a little bit as well.  Dice up your tomatoes into bite sized pieces removing the seeds and liquids.  Set aside.  Dice up the scallions as well and set aside.  Taking a handful of cilantro chop it up and set aside.  Open the can of green chilis and drain.

Taking out the beans, use a spatula to add a layer of sour cream.  Then add a layer of cheese.  Now, at this point you can choose to heat the dish and melt the cheese.  If you do this you have to keep the dish warm other wise the cheese turns into a big glob of cheese that makes it nearly impossible to scoop with a tortilla chip.  Or you can leave it cold as is.

Next add a layer of tomatoes, then the chilies and the scallions and corn.  Sprinkle the cilantro on top of it all.  Done!  Serve with warmed tortilla chips and watch it disappear.  It’s magic.

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Anna vs The Sandwich

April 27, 2010 · Filed under Mother

My oldest child Anna is extraordinarily bright.  She is clever and funny and wonderfully independent.  Unfortunately she is also extremely strong willed.  When Anna was about 6 months old we discovered that she was highly allergic to milk protein.  This made preparing meals for her somewhat difficult as she couldn’t have many of the foods that were ‘off the shelf.’  Add that a suspected peanut allergy and we were left with a somewhat limited menu.  To top it all off, she is a VERY picky eater.  It’s the perfect storm.  She won’t eat combined foods, like spaghetti with tomato sauce.  Not having anything to do with it.  She will even go to the point of disassembling a hamburger and eating each component separately.  Meat and bread only, and separately.  She chews the breading off a corn dog then eats the corn dog. 

To that end we found ourselves at the point where all she would eat where chicken nuggets (sometimes), hot dogs, salami, plain pasta and disassembled hamburgers.  Because of this I had turned into a short order cook.  Cooking one meal for the family and t hen playing a food game to find out what Anna will eat.  Now that her brother is 1, I can no longer indulge in this behavior.  I don’t have time to prepare separate meals for everyone in the house, nor can I continue to allow her to eat such a limited selection of foods.  Therefore today I prepared her a sunflower butter and jelly sandwich.  I know she eats jelly sandwiches at preschool, so this wasn’t a real stretch.  We went to the park to meet a friend and The Sandwich came along.  When we sat down to have a snack, Sam greedily chowed down his banana and Anna was given her sandwich.  When she turned her nose up at it, I advised her that there were no other snacks and this was it.  She staunchly refused without even a lick to taste The Sandwich.  When we got home she stated she was hungry.  I pulled out The Sandwich.  Now understand, this is not a ‘new’ food.  She’s had this type of sandwich before.  If this was a completely new food this would be a very different situation.  However, as she’s had this kind of sandwich before The Sandwich was going to be eaten. 

So, we’re back home from the park.  Anna is hungry.  She doesn’t want The Sandwich.  She wants anything else but The Sandwich.  So I provide her a choice. She can have The Sandwich or she can go have quiet time in her room.  She chooses quiet time. 

After quiet time she asks for a snack.  She gets, The Sandwich.  Not interested.  She persists in asking for fruit snacks, crackers, anything as long as it isn’t The Sandwich.

Dinner rolls around, I make myself dinner and I bring out The Sandwich.  I might have pulled out a plate full of cow patties and served it up with a side of worms.  She shoved the plate across the table and yelled, ‘I don’t want that!’  Thus began a 2 hour ordeal, I refer to as Anna vs The Sandwich.  I set the time and informed her that her options were to eat the sandwich or go to bed when the timer went off.  She immediately asked to go to bed.  Unfortunately for my beautifully strong willed child, that would not happen for another hour and 45 minutes. 

She sat at that table for another45 minutes before she decided that perhaps, just perhaps, The Sandwich was not so bad afterall.  She took her first bite, smiled and said ‘Yummy Mommy!’ That was the last bite she took for another 30 minutes.  After which she finally asked for me to help her eat the sandwich.  Four extremely painful bites later, she declared that she was not able to continue to eating.   Thirty minutes later, she was off to bed, no fuss, no defiance, out in 5 minutes.

And so The Sandwich, sits in the refrigerator waiting for breakfast…

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I hate spending money I don’t have to…

April 13, 2010 · Filed under Wife

and because I hate spending money I don’t have to, I go to this AWESOME website called Retail Me Not www.retailmenot.com

So check this out, for the past few weeks I have been looking for a dressform that fits in my budget ($100 or less.)  So yesterday I happened upon a $240 dress form on SALE on Joann.com for $99, YIKES!  So I decided to plug in Joann.com at RetailMeNot to see what I could come up with and they had a free shipping promo code.  Sweeeet!  So using my $50 gift card my mommy gave me and my free shipping promo code (saved $12!), I paid a grand total of $58.80 for a $240 dress form.  Delivered to my house.  ChaChing!!!

Then today I found out that one of my co-workers father died over the weekend.  So I went back to RetailMeNot to see what kind of flower delivery deals they had.  Well I found a deal for ProFlowers.com that gave me 10% off plus a free vase!  So I go to ProFlowers.com through RetailMeNot and they have an arrangment on sale for $19.99, normally $29.99.  So I get another 10% off plus a free vase (minimum $9.99 for a vase).  The shipping charge was $9.99 . So all told I spent $35.  Not bad for a beautiful bouquet, in a vase, delivered. 

If you are shopping for anything, and I do mean anything, be sure to check out www.RetailMeNot.com first.  Otherwise, you  may be spending money you don’t have to, and that sucks.

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To my dearest Samuel on your First Birthday

March 18, 2010 · Filed under Mother

My Dearest Samuel,

Tomorrow you turn 1 year old.  It seems like only yesterday that I brought you home from the hospital wearing tiny little clothes and a hospital bracelet.  Snuggled in your infant carrier, you seemed smaller than small.  A tiny little life with a shock of dark brown hair and little blue eyes that sparkled with your happy personality.   My precious child,you are the greatest evidence in the world of God’s existence and his majesty.  To look upon your face for the first time was to look at God himself.  The love I have for you is but the tip of the iceberg.  Though I love you more than there are words in any language to express, God’s love for you is even greater.  I feel so amazingly blessed that he chose me to be your guide and your guardian in this world.  Though I carried and birthed you, it was he who first blew into you the breath of life.  He is your creator, your ever loving Father and you belong to him. 

As I look at you today, you are so big; walking everywhere you can, smiling, laughing, clapping your hands, babbling dada and mama, chasing your sister.  I know that the day is coming, sooner than I’d like, when some other woman will catch your eye and capture your heart.  While it fills me with joy, it also fills me with a great sadness for you are the love of my life.  My little man and snuggle puppy.  It fills my eyes with tears and my heart with a desperate desire to stop time.  I pray that whoever she is that she will be loving, loyal and filled with a love for God. 

Know this my young son, my duty to is great.  Not only must I raise you to be educated, wise, compassionate, giving, polite and confident, most important I must instill in you the love of God.  And to foster in you a great love for Him.  There will times my beloved when you will fight against my rules, my decisions and my stubborn refusal to allow you do things just because the other kids are doing it.  As one mother said so succinctly, my job is not to make you happy.  I don’t want you to be ‘happy’ I want you to be confident; I want you to feel adequate because you are a child of God.  It is he whom you must please, not society, not me, not yourself.  Remember my sweet, it is he who created you, who sustains you and who will always be there with you.  I pray that as you get older you will learn to rely on him for guidance and strength.  Human strength is fleeting and our wisdom is often flawed.  Trust in God and he will always take you down the right path. 

I love you so much Samuel, sometimes I think my heart might burst from the strain.  When your sister was born I felt the same for her, I still do.  It amazes me to think that my heart has such a capacity to love so greatly two different people.  You are my greatest treasure and my most valued accomplishment. 

Lastly, my beloved, allow me this one indulgence; stay innocent for as long as you can.  When you are grown and in front of your friends I promise not to kiss you if you promise to snuggle with me when you get home.  You will one day be a man, with a wife and children of your own, but to me, you will always be my baby; my sweet little boy who stole my heart and took my breath away.  I love you more than you could ever know.

Happy Birthday my love

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Precious Moments

March 9, 2010 · Filed under Disciple, Mother · Tagged ,

Yesterday I had to take a trip to the clinic with the kids as I had been up all night with an ear ache.  So after playing patiently at the clinic for an hour while mommy got help we headed back home.  When we got in the car Anna asked if she could please listen to the “Jesus loves me song.”  I was happy to oblige and loaded it up on the cd player. 

Anna sang along in her warbley voice and as we pulled up at a red light Anna says to me “Mom, don’t you just love Jesus?”

Yes I do baby girl…yes I do…

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Christ made me new, not perfect

March 3, 2010 · Filed under Disciple

In my journey from the lost to the found my conversion from a ‘regular’ person to a Christian has garnered some interesting reactions from others.  When I proclaimed via Facebook that I was getting baptized a friend asked me, “so does this mean you can’t listen to Slayer, anymore?”  Okay, two things, #1.  I haven’t listed to Slayer in a REALLY long time, their music hasn’t appealed to me for quite a while and not because I’m Christian, but simply because I don’t find their dark music entertaining.  #2.  Just because I’ve discovered the freeing power of Christ’s love doesn’t mean I’m no longer me.  I still have a beer when I want one.  I still wear jeans and t-shirts.  I still watch TV shows that have cursing and violence.  The difference is my reaction to the world around me.  Do I limit or remove certain things from my life, yes, but not because there is a commandment for me to do so. I do so because what ever that object is, it does not benefit me physically or spritually to consume it.  Make sense?

After getting baptized I didn’t sell off all my worldly possessions, don a potato sack robe and start wearing Birkenstocks.  Come on people!!  This unrealistic view of what it means to be a Christian is both frustrating and laughable.  Some how I am expected to never utter a curse word, to never drink alcohol, to only watch G rated programming… the list goes on.  The concept that if I am not perfect, then I  must not be a ‘real’ Christian is YOUR baggage, not mine.  My desire on this earth is not to please you, it is to be pleasing to God.  I am not perfect, I can never hope to be.  That my friends is why Christ’s scarifice is so vitally important to the human condition.  We are all fallen, we are all wretched sinners, weak in flesh but strong in spirit.  Even Jesus reminds his discpiles of that fact in Matthew 26:41  “Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  The flesh is weak, we are an imperfect race.  We are born into sin and temptation.  What changes when we become ‘born again’ is not our physical state, but our spiritual ability to be free from the burden of our sin debt.  A debt as mere mortals we are unable to pay.  Ultimately at times we will fail to resist worldy temptations.  The difference between me and you is, I don’t have to bear the burden of that sin debt anymore.  I can forgive myself and accept forgiveness and move on. 

Each day I strive to be a better version of me.  I seek to learn from the mistakes of my past, with out dwelling upon my failures.  I am not perfect, I can never be.  What I can be is a better me, I can be more loving, more kind, more patient, more understanding, more forgiving…  I can put away the past and leave it there because I’m not that person anymore.  I am new, not perfect.

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7 Habits of Highly Effective Moms

February 24, 2010 · Filed under Mother · Tagged ,

While in the corporate world, I was introduced to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Steven Covey.  Throughout the years I have found that whenever I was unsure as to how to proceed I could always refer back to those 7 principles and find exactly what I needed.  This helped bring me to the present, where I am no longer in charge of organizing a company, but running a family.  Ironically enough my position hasn’t changed much, except the pay is worse and the benefits far greater.  To that end, I bring to you The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Moms.

 #1.  Be Proactive

 This first habit can be summarized by the saying “Lord, give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  There are certain things in this world that you cannot change, and many things you can.  When your child wakes up sick and as a result you have to scrap your whole day, you have a choice as to how you allow that to affect you.  On the one hand you can allow this interruption to bring you down, stress you out and make you cranky or irritated.  On the other hand you can accept that this was beyond your control, that appointments can be rescheduled, projects completed another day and it won’t kill your husband to make dinner himself.  Life is about choices and being proactive is about taking control of how we allow the world around us to affect our moods and actions.

 #2.  Begin with the End in Mind

 What are your personal beliefs?  Morals and ethics?  What core values do you want your children to carry on through life once they have left home?  If there is one thing we have learned over the years its consistency, consistency, consistency.  If you and your spouse have not already sat down and discussed the core values that matter to both of you, do it now.  Only then, as a united front, can the two of you work together to instill those values in your children through consistent repetition and examples.  Repetition is easy; but being the example of this value can be difficult.  Keep the long term in mind.  If sex before marriage is unacceptable to you, then you need to discuss how you BOTH feel about this situation and explain in a loving way, why it is important.  My mother, who was a single mom, was very clear on that particular value.  If you tell your children that smoking is harmful and bad for them, don’t smoke yourself or you are completely contradicting your own lesson.  The philosophy of “do as I say not as I do” is faulty.  Your actions speak much louder than your words.  Be the example!!

 #3.  Put First Things First

It’s not hard to understand why our lives seem to fly by once we have children.  Life is filled with playtime, feedings, milestones, doctors appointments, holidays and housework.  It is not unusual for us as parents to become unbalanced.  Either spending our entire day dedicated to the rearing of our children or working the day away in an office.   This important habit reminds us that we need to prioritize and put the things that are most important to us first.  Things like eating dinner together at the table and turning off our cell phones and the television.  Things like using that vacation time you’ve accrued to take a family vacation and leave the laptop at home.  Remember what your priorities are and why they are so important to you. 

 #4.  Think win/win

Win/Win is not just an analogy of disagreements and negotiation; it’s also a philosophy to keep when considering your personal relationships.  As difficult as it may be, sometimes you have to disengage from a bad friendship.  We’ve all had that friend, the emotional vampire, the one who calls whenever things go bad, and they always seem to be going bad.  You know, that friend that only calls when they need money, to emotionally dump on someone or for you to say what they want to hear, regardless of whether or not it’s truth.  Sometimes that friend is a family member.  Whatever the situation, reduce or eliminate your interaction with this person.  It may seem cruel; however, if your arm were poisoned and eating away at the rest of your body would you not remove the arm to save the body?

Alternately foster those relationships that bring value to your life.  If you have a friend who is always there for you no matter what, don’t let that friendship go unnoticed.  Take time to nurture that relationship by spending time with that person and letting them know how much you appreciate them.  This in turn benefits you both. 

#5.  Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

This is my favorite of all the Covey Habits.  I have found in every situation in which I become frustrated with another person whether it be personal or professional, if I can take a step back and try to understand where they are coming from, I can resolve the situation.  Our children may be our spitting image on the outside, but first they are individuals.  We cannot control who they are any more than they can control who we are.  The best we can do is seek to understand our children, and to try to remember what it was like when we were that age, the frustration, confusion and angst.  The same perspective should be used with our spouses.  We may love our spouses but often we see things from two very different points of view.  If you can take a deep breath and try to understand where he’s coming from historically and emotionally (yes men have emotional attachments too, they just don’t show them like we do) then you can begin negotiations that will benefit you both.  The core of learning to understand before being understood is that often we forge ahead pursuing our own agenda thus alienating the very people who we are trying to help.  By understanding our children and our spouses we can arm ourselves with the knowledge of how to diffuse a situation, assure them that we have their best interests in mind and validate the way they are feeling.  Think of how frustrating it is when you are trying to discuss something with someone and you can see that they just don’t understand your point of view. When that happens, there is no resolution except for someone to give up.  That’s not a win/win situation.

 #6.  Synergize

Sounds fancy doesn’t it?  It’s really just a fancy way of saying focus on your strengths.  I read another great book about this called Soar with your Strengths.   The key principle is that we each have a set of strengths.  These are inherent and that is why they seem to come naturally to us, because they do!  Instead of trying to turn a mathematician into an artist, help that mathematician become the best mathematician he or she can be.  This is especially important in encouraging your children.  If you know that your child is struggling in literature but excelling at math, encourage them to pursue math and help teach them ways to manage their weakness in literature.  Schools try to make us well rounded individuals, but this is confusing to children because they feel as if they need to excel at everything.  This isn’t always possible.  That is not to say that we shouldn’t encourage our children to do the best they can but if we know they are doing their best and applying themselves, and they are still getting a B or a C, then we need to acknowledge that they are working hard and not diminish their efforts with criticism. 

This same strategy can be used in the home.  Each member has a different skill set.  You may be better at the yard work than your husband.  Don’t let “traditional roles” dictate how your household functions.  Find out what each family members strength is and focus on that strength.  This will help build confidence and pride in what they are doing because they are able to put their best effort into the task.

7.  Sharpen the Saw

 Take care of you.  If you are worn out, beat down, exhausted and exasperated, you are less effective.  This is the point at which cookies become acceptable alternatives to a healthy breakfast.  Take the time to get a massage, take a long bath, go for a hike alone, whatever it is you need to recharge your batteries, find a way to get it done.  Make this a priority.  You can’t wait for your family to recognize that you need a break, you need to take it for yourself. 

I hope that as you read these 7 Habits, that you were able to see in your own life how these principles can be applied.  I take no credit for these 7 life principles, they are the work of Steven Covey.  I hope that my interpretation of these principles and how they can be applied to motherhood will help you in being the best, most effective mom you can be.

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